Thursday, February 14, 2013

Safety First

We have safety plugs in all of our outlets because we are involved in a type of foster care program. I didn't use them when my kids were small because they were practically perfect toddlers (before you get all crazy about that statement - which is true - let me say that isn't that case now and I'm not sure it was a good thing...but that is for a different blog post). But lately, those safety plugs have been going missing. It has been a bizarre mystery, until yesterday. I actually watched our dog use his tiny little front teeth to pop one out of the wall and chew on it. Thankfully, I got to him before he actually ate it. But I wonder, how many he has actually ingested? Since they have been missing and I haven't been finding them around the house, I'm assuming he has eaten them. And why he isn't dead? I mean, it seems to me that those would be pretty hard on the digestive system.
It just doesn't seem very safe.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Doctor shmocter...

I love my doctor. She is down to earth, unpretentious, and funny.
But I try my best never to see her.
I have an aversion to going to the doctor. I'm afraid that she will laugh at me and tell me I'm being a big baby. That there is really nothing wrong with me and that I need to stop being so paranoid. And then I'll be embarrassed.
So, I wait. And wait. And wait.
I sprained my ankle a couple years ago and waited four days to go to the doctor. I figured it might just clear itself up. But the pain got progressively worse, so I finally called and was sent to the ER. The x-ray tech treated me like I was an idiot for waiting so long to get it checked out. Bone chip, torn ligaments, whatever. I could have toughed it out.
Before that I had some pretty bad back pain for a few days. It was to the point that I didn't want to move at all, I just sat in bed and tried to breath very carefully. I finally caved and called the doctor. This trip revealed a severe double kidney infection that clears up quickly with antibiotics but could lead to kidney failure (and possible death, so says my doctor) if left untreated. I literally got yelled at by a nurse for not coming in sooner. Oops.
So, my fear of embarrassment causes me to not go to the doctor, but then I end up embarrassed anyway because apparently I have no common sense.
Today, here I sit in contemplation. The pain in my ear is what I imagine a scream to feel like if one could feel a scream. My head is so full of mucus that I can barely open my eyes. My throat either burns as if I've swallowed a hot coal or is completely numb after using that oral anesthetic spray- which just makes me drool all over myself since I can't feel anything.
Do I call the doctor?
Nah. I'm certain a cup of hot ginger tea will clear all this right up.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Weight watching...

Yikes. I think this scale needs to retire...
It's kinda dirty and it reads a few pounds light.
Oh, wait.
I'm keeping it.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What do you clean?

I love my house to be clean and tidy.
Not that I enjoy cleaning. I hate it. But I hate mess and dirt more.
However, my closets and drawers are usually disastrous.

A dear friend of mine has the dirtiest, messiest house I have ever been in.
But she will spend hours organizing and straightening her closets and drawers.

I'm hoping this has no parallels to the "real" you and no psychological implications regarding appearances verses true character...
and if it does, don't tell me.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Heat and reheat

I am currently drinking a hot cup of coffee. That I brewed yesterday. I have no problem drinking day old (or several days old) coffee. I also have been know to reheat a single cup of coffee an ungodly amount of times in a 24 hour period. I just can't handle the thought of coffee going to waste. The exception is if there is curdled cream floating on top...then I stop to consider how old that particular cup is before making an executive decision. Does that make me a coffee hoarder? Or a coffee addict? Please tell me I'm not alone in this.
I will also finish off a bottle of beer or a glass of wine if left over from the evening before.
But that never happens.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Freak me out!

The horror.
The absolute horror.
When I saw it I gasped out loud.
I felt my heart start to race.

There was a hole in my favorite hoodie.

As I reached to inspect it closer, it seemed like I was moving in slow motion.
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind...What am I going to wear now? What am I going to wear tomorrow and the next day? Would I ever find such a perfect hoodie again? Maybe I shouldn't have washed it so much. Maybe I should have washed it more. Of course I'll still wear it around the house, but could I wear it out? How much do I really care about public opinion?

As I touched the hole, it moved. What?!
Turns out, it wasn't a hole. It was a dark yarn-like thread masquerading as a hole.
I bent over to catch my breath and sighed in relief.

Jeans, hoodie, and flip flops. Life is good.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Energy wasted

"Energy efficient" stores make me feel guilty. Like, break out in a cold sweat guilty. Guilty because it seems I only have to think about maybe walking down the freezer isle and all those lights start up. "No! No! I'm not coming- turn off!" I scream at them (in my head) but they keep shining and I hurry by, afraid that the person who monitors the worlds energy just noticed the increase as the power grid is nearing brown out...

Today I needed whipped cream. I can't drink coffee without it (that is a lie- I can always drink coffee, I just prefer it that way right now). As I enter the cooler section there is a "Bling!" on my left as the first cooler lights up. I continue slowly, peering around each isle with caution to read the overhead signage. It is no use. "Bling! Bling! Bling!" I scurry by only to light up the coolers in front of me in this twisted game of cat and mouse. Of course, in my distress, I pass the freezer where the whipped cream is located and have to turn around ("Bling! Bling!") and walk back (Bling! Bling! Bling!). I grab the first container I see and run to the paper goods section. Blast it all! It's Light Whipped Cream! Curses! But I'm not going back...

I wish I could say I'm joking. But I'm extremely serious. Which is disturbing, even to myself.

I've been contemplating how to get over this extreme guilt. My plan: next time, I shall bring my Ipod and blare "Billie Jean" while I dance Michael Jackson style through the cooler/freezer section.

I can handle embarrassment. Just not guilt.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Foto Friday

He said he doesn't leave until he has a 300 point game.
That explains a lot.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Time for a shower...

This morning my husband came downstairs wearing the same shirt he had on yesterday (I had washed it in the evening). I laughed and said, "I can't believe you're wearing the same shirt two days in a row!"
He looked at me with a smirk. "Haven't you been wearing that hoodie since Tuesday?"


Monday, January 21, 2013

2 in 1

Five days ago I bought a little vacuum for my bedroom.
Yes, for the bedroom. I know, sexy, right?
Well, our dog sleeps on our rug at night, and I despise dog hair. Hence, the vacuum. I use it every morning before I get dressed. I was abnormally excited about this vacuum.
Today it broke.

No joke- one hour later I was sucking up dirt with the regular, non-sexy vacuum when, "Pop! WHEEEEEEZZZZZ!" The belt broke.

I was a little ticked off. My husband laughed and said I was the vacuum killer.
I prefer vacuum slayer.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

How does that happen?!

One square of toilet paper on the floor behind the toilet.

Seriously, how does this happen?
No one in my family seems to know.
But I see it there several times a week.

And apparently I'm not allowed to use a surveillance camera in the bathroom...

Monday, January 14, 2013

While I was waiting...

The other day my husband and I were out running errands. I decided to stay in the car while he ran into an office supply store. As he walked away, I casually took a look around the parking lot where I would be spending the next few minutes...and met the eyes of another passenger waiting in a car next to me. I quickly looked away - I'm not a creep who stares, right?! However, I then made eye contact of another waiting passenger in the car straight across from me. What in the world?! I quickly closed my eyes as I pondered my next  move. Apparently, those other ladies were looking AT ME, and now I'm closing my eyes...that's weird...I should open my I'm looking at my lap...more weird...OH! I found my sunglasses in the center console and slipped them on. Perfect. Behind my dark lenses I felt like I could look anywhere I chose in absolute obscurity (never mind the obvious turning of my head) so I confidently gazed around the parking lot. To my surprise almost every car around me had someone in it! Except the car to my right, which held an adorable little puppy. As we all took turns staring at each other (of course, they didn't know I was staring, because of the sunglasses) things got very awkward...
Suddenly, the puppy started barking. We all turned to look, thankful for an escape from the tangled web of stares we were caught in. And we continued to stare at that puppy until we each pulled away (I only know this because while keeping my head pointed in the direction of the puppy, I turned my eyes to see where everyone else is looking).

A few thoughts from this experience:
I really like to stare at people, don't you? I'm curious and people are fascinating.
Why don't folks like to go into office supply stores? Very suspicious...
I need to wear my sunglasses all the time.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

And so it begins

It would be an understatement to say I'm excited about starting this blog. I'm also terrified.
But that's okay. I'm terrified about a lot of things.

Like dying a painful death.
And strangers seeing me naked.
And lime green.
And snakes.
And my kids becoming psychopaths.
And snakes.
And my husbands driving.

I guess if I judge by all the other things that terrify me, starting a blog isn't so scary after all.

Until people start leaving comments...