"Energy efficient" stores make me feel guilty. Like, break out in a cold sweat guilty. Guilty because it seems I only have to think about maybe walking down the freezer isle and all those lights start up. "No! No! I'm not coming- turn off!" I scream at them (in my head) but they keep shining and I hurry by, afraid that the person who monitors the worlds energy just noticed the increase as the power grid is nearing brown out...
Today I needed whipped cream. I can't drink coffee without it (that is a lie- I can always drink coffee, I just prefer it that way right now). As I enter the cooler section there is a "Bling!" on my left as the first cooler lights up. I continue slowly, peering around each isle with caution to read the overhead signage. It is no use. "Bling! Bling! Bling!" I scurry by only to light up the coolers in front of me in this twisted game of cat and mouse. Of course, in my distress, I pass the freezer where the whipped cream is located and have to turn around ("Bling! Bling!") and walk back (Bling! Bling! Bling!). I grab the first container I see and run to the paper goods section. Blast it all! It's Light Whipped Cream! Curses! But I'm not going back...
I wish I could say I'm joking. But I'm extremely serious. Which is disturbing, even to myself.
I've been contemplating how to get over this extreme guilt. My plan: next time, I shall bring my Ipod and blare "Billie Jean" while I dance Michael Jackson style through the cooler/freezer section.
I can handle embarrassment. Just not guilt.
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