Thursday, January 31, 2013

Freak me out!

The horror.
The absolute horror.
When I saw it I gasped out loud.
I felt my heart start to race.

There was a hole in my favorite hoodie.

As I reached to inspect it closer, it seemed like I was moving in slow motion.
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind...What am I going to wear now? What am I going to wear tomorrow and the next day? Would I ever find such a perfect hoodie again? Maybe I shouldn't have washed it so much. Maybe I should have washed it more. Of course I'll still wear it around the house, but could I wear it out? How much do I really care about public opinion?

As I touched the hole, it moved. What?!
Turns out, it wasn't a hole. It was a dark yarn-like thread masquerading as a hole.
I bent over to catch my breath and sighed in relief.

Jeans, hoodie, and flip flops. Life is good.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Energy wasted

"Energy efficient" stores make me feel guilty. Like, break out in a cold sweat guilty. Guilty because it seems I only have to think about maybe walking down the freezer isle and all those lights start up. "No! No! I'm not coming- turn off!" I scream at them (in my head) but they keep shining and I hurry by, afraid that the person who monitors the worlds energy just noticed the increase as the power grid is nearing brown out...

Today I needed whipped cream. I can't drink coffee without it (that is a lie- I can always drink coffee, I just prefer it that way right now). As I enter the cooler section there is a "Bling!" on my left as the first cooler lights up. I continue slowly, peering around each isle with caution to read the overhead signage. It is no use. "Bling! Bling! Bling!" I scurry by only to light up the coolers in front of me in this twisted game of cat and mouse. Of course, in my distress, I pass the freezer where the whipped cream is located and have to turn around ("Bling! Bling!") and walk back (Bling! Bling! Bling!). I grab the first container I see and run to the paper goods section. Blast it all! It's Light Whipped Cream! Curses! But I'm not going back...

I wish I could say I'm joking. But I'm extremely serious. Which is disturbing, even to myself.

I've been contemplating how to get over this extreme guilt. My plan: next time, I shall bring my Ipod and blare "Billie Jean" while I dance Michael Jackson style through the cooler/freezer section.

I can handle embarrassment. Just not guilt.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Foto Friday

He said he doesn't leave until he has a 300 point game.
That explains a lot.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Time for a shower...

This morning my husband came downstairs wearing the same shirt he had on yesterday (I had washed it in the evening). I laughed and said, "I can't believe you're wearing the same shirt two days in a row!"
He looked at me with a smirk. "Haven't you been wearing that hoodie since Tuesday?"


Monday, January 21, 2013

2 in 1

Five days ago I bought a little vacuum for my bedroom.
Yes, for the bedroom. I know, sexy, right?
Well, our dog sleeps on our rug at night, and I despise dog hair. Hence, the vacuum. I use it every morning before I get dressed. I was abnormally excited about this vacuum.
Today it broke.

No joke- one hour later I was sucking up dirt with the regular, non-sexy vacuum when, "Pop! WHEEEEEEZZZZZ!" The belt broke.

I was a little ticked off. My husband laughed and said I was the vacuum killer.
I prefer vacuum slayer.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

How does that happen?!

One square of toilet paper on the floor behind the toilet.

Seriously, how does this happen?
No one in my family seems to know.
But I see it there several times a week.

And apparently I'm not allowed to use a surveillance camera in the bathroom...

Monday, January 14, 2013

While I was waiting...

The other day my husband and I were out running errands. I decided to stay in the car while he ran into an office supply store. As he walked away, I casually took a look around the parking lot where I would be spending the next few minutes...and met the eyes of another passenger waiting in a car next to me. I quickly looked away - I'm not a creep who stares, right?! However, I then made eye contact of another waiting passenger in the car straight across from me. What in the world?! I quickly closed my eyes as I pondered my next  move. Apparently, those other ladies were looking AT ME, and now I'm closing my eyes...that's weird...I should open my I'm looking at my lap...more weird...OH! I found my sunglasses in the center console and slipped them on. Perfect. Behind my dark lenses I felt like I could look anywhere I chose in absolute obscurity (never mind the obvious turning of my head) so I confidently gazed around the parking lot. To my surprise almost every car around me had someone in it! Except the car to my right, which held an adorable little puppy. As we all took turns staring at each other (of course, they didn't know I was staring, because of the sunglasses) things got very awkward...
Suddenly, the puppy started barking. We all turned to look, thankful for an escape from the tangled web of stares we were caught in. And we continued to stare at that puppy until we each pulled away (I only know this because while keeping my head pointed in the direction of the puppy, I turned my eyes to see where everyone else is looking).

A few thoughts from this experience:
I really like to stare at people, don't you? I'm curious and people are fascinating.
Why don't folks like to go into office supply stores? Very suspicious...
I need to wear my sunglasses all the time.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

And so it begins

It would be an understatement to say I'm excited about starting this blog. I'm also terrified.
But that's okay. I'm terrified about a lot of things.

Like dying a painful death.
And strangers seeing me naked.
And lime green.
And snakes.
And my kids becoming psychopaths.
And snakes.
And my husbands driving.

I guess if I judge by all the other things that terrify me, starting a blog isn't so scary after all.

Until people start leaving comments...